Sunday, May 12, 2013

A Sad Mother's Day

This Sunday the entire blogosphere will generate a lot of posts for Mother's Day. There will be overflowing tribute to all the great Mothers. I should have done the same. I should have honored my Nanay in one rare post. I know what should be written but I intentionally decided to divert from the topic.

I still have my Nanay. She's perfectly healthy and I still see her everyday. I can still celebrate Mother's Day with her. I have all the reasons to be happy and thankful.

I feel blessed and happy but deep inside, my heart grieves for one person this Mother's Day.

For those who have been reading my blog, you might recall me writing about my dear friend who went ahead to heaven. A year ago, Anna left us with tears, regrets and devastated hearts. I'm silently coping and convincing myself that Anna is in a better place. While I can manage my recurring sadness attacks, my heart bleeds for one person, Tita Dading (Anna's Mom).

I remember a dialogue in a local movie emphasizing that motherhood is forever. When a mother loses a child, people claim that she used to be a mom. But deep inside, we all know that such isn't true. The years, love and happiness of becoming a Mom can never be erased. It leaves a permanent trail that even death and our Creator can never change.

When I visited Tita Dading last December, I regretted it to some extent because I made her cry. I know that when she saw me, I reminded her of Anna. I felt guilty for intensifying her sadness. This Mother's Day, I'm planning to visit her but I'm held back with that guilty feeling again. I don't want to cause her tears. While I'm always been thankful for having been part of Anna's short but meaningful journey, the least I can do is to honor the person who gave me the opportunity to experience having a best friend. But this time, I can't. I can't bear shedding tears and serving as another painful reminder.

I want Tita Dading to be happy again. But the truth is, I don't even know if she can. As always, the only thing I can offer are my prayers. While I will continuously pray for Tita Dading, I just hope someone out there will hear me.

6 comments :

  1. I think your friend's mom will find you visiting her is a blessing. A lot of people avoid visiting hurting people so you are kind to visit, even with your reservations.

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  2. Diane, I think even if a visit from you might make your friend's mom a little sad, she would still welcome the connection that you & her daughter had. I think she would find comfort in that.

    Give your own mom an extra special hug tomorrow!

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  3. Diane, I agree with the above ladies...I believe your friend's mom will take comfort in your visting. For me it's also a bittersweet Mother's Day, as my mom is still in hospital and I didn't get a plane ticket as all the flights were booked.
    I will be phoning her later today.
    ((hugs))

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  4. Oh, Diane, I too agree that a visit from you would probably bring much joy to your friend. I'm saying a prayer for you right now.
    Blessings,
    Shelia ;)

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  5. I know how much you still miss your friend Anna, and that will be with you and her family always. I would think that a visit from you on Mother's Day or any day at all would make her mother's heart happy behind the tears.
    I won't be seeing my mom today, but will be able to spend next weekend with her. Give your mom a BIG HUG.

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  6. This post breaks my heart. Not everyone is happy on certain holidays because of past hurts. I'm struggling with some "baggage" myself.

    (((((hugs))))), Sweetie!

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