Friday, October 21, 2016

Away from them

I've been wanting to write about this incident a few months ago. I believe so many things happened and my attention was diverted to something and somewhere else. As much as I wanted to forget, it would definitely not help when I see the person involved everyday. It's a screaming reminder. 

I was having a conversation with B about an unexpected workload. It was B's superior who requested the work. Like probably everyone here, we have that innate obedience to follow our superiors. While I don't have intentions to refuse, I asked B why I was chosen. B told me that her superior strictly wanted me to handle it. Okaaaaaay. Before we ended our conversation, B left a parting joke, magaling ka kasi, kaya ikaw ang gusto ni Boss. (The Boss thinks you are good, so she wanted you to do it.)  I just smiled in return. 

What I didn't notice, another superior was approaching. Unfortunately or fortunately, superior X overheard the last part of our conversation, "magaling ka kasi kaya ikaw ang gusto ni Boss." Superior X heaved that classic boisterous laugh. It was an insulting laugh. It was a clear message of sarcasm.

Truth to be told, Superior X is one of those persons I only respect by virtue of her position. I have some history with superior X. Most relate negative experiences that extended to other people. While not everything directly affected me, I felt a degree of hatred when superior X committed something that led to the oppression of some. Superiors and managers who are so whiny also never fails to irritate me... just like one of the senators whom I find too whiny for a male being?!  That is if that senator is really a member of the male populace. Hahaha  It will surely feel good to describe all the negative traits of Superior X. Hahaha I'm leaving everything on the aspect of that forced respect.

I wanted to write more. But I'm taken aback by my previous Beautiful Sunday post. I was claiming that I stopped writing about people that relates to my work. I have to eat my words. :D 

I have long conditioned myself that my existence will never be defined by my capability to impress other people. However, this principle only exist in my ideal world. In reality, working hard meant gaining admiration of other people ... especially those above us. This has become a lifelong struggle because I have been raised by a family, who doesn't really require having notable achievements. I don't feel compelled to compete, overpower and impress other people. While I appreciate my parents for not pressuring me to excel, I sometimes wonder if this parenting style made me too relaxed and lousy. What I can confidently claim though, I had the best childhood in the comforts our own home. I always felt loved, even when I don't bring home any award or recognition. I grew up in an environment where love, respect and appreciation are not in any determined by achievements and all other means to impress other people. 

I think I have said a lot here. I need to end this grown up rant. Haha Unfortunately, this is one of those posts I'm eager to start but I'm struggling to end. I wanted to say I've learned something but truth is, this is another recurring cycle. I would love to claim that I have become a better person but in reality, I lacked the maturity to ignore another useless villain. :p Yes, Korean drama feels! Hahaha And since I always compare my life to a drama series, I will not deny the fact that I wish to discover and become one of the best in my domain. But unlike the typical story line, I don't wish to get back to my antagonists. I just want to be happy ... away from all my antagonists. 
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