Monday, December 31, 2012

Incomplete

One of the priceless benefits I gain as a result of working for a school is the two-week Christmas break. Schools may not be the best paying employers, but they compensate on giving their employees that long holiday break.

As always, I'm counting every work day of December. When that much awaited break comes, I do whatever I want. For us Filipinos, everything becomes happier because of the additional money from our 13th month pay. In the previous years, the holiday break always meant seeing my good old friends. I used to love organizing dinners and get together with my college, high school and MBA friends. However, I got tired of doing these things especially when everyone seemed so busy, to the extent that I have to beg for that one text message. From attending three separate dinners, I limited my quota of holiday reunions with my two High School friends, Anna and Anne. However, to some of you who have been reading my blog for some time, you might remember what happened to Anna.


In the previous years, we would have lunch together on the 24th or anytime before Christmas. A year ago, we had breakfast at Mc Donald's while everyone is busy preparing for New Year's Eve. If Anna was still alive, my December would always mean malling and eating out. This year, I imprisoned myself at home. It didn't help that my other friend or friends seemed to have forgotten me as well.

Days after I visited Anna's resting place, I decided to go out on my own. Instead of having another trip to the mall, I decided to visit Anna's mom. When I saw Anna's mom, I just felt that my holiday sadness worsened. To some extent, I even thought that I shouldn't have visited Anna's mom. I felt that I gave her more reasons to be sad.

As much as I want to invite my other friends for a simple lunch or dinner, I decided to rather keep quiet. I drowned myself with some freelance works. I also wanted to spare myself from spending so I stayed home in the company of my books and all those late night movie marathons.

Life is so incomplete now. I can feel that emptiness in my heart, while the entire environment is imposing that festive mood. I know my 2013 would be so much harder with all those grown up problems I made. Hence, starting this day I should really teach myself to move on, let go and more importantly, be responsible for my own happiness.

1 comment :

  1. Yes, when we feel incomplete, we must encourage ourselves. Bless your heart. *hugs* Again, I'm deeply sorry for your loss, sweet girl.

    *hugs* and HaPpY nEw YeAr!
    Kelley ~

    ReplyDelete

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