This blogging series is way out of my self imposed deadline. My initial target is to finish this post before my 31st birthday. (I still feel a little cringe when I say my current age.) I was aiming at least two posts in a month. As always, I was doing great in the beginning. As months passed, I became the lousy blogger. There were months with no post at all, except for the Beautiful Sunday series. Work and some personal grown up issues occupied me this year. Another casualty of my blogging series is the book reviews. I failed to make my 12 book reviews this year. Good thing, I have my usual holiday break every December. The two week break gave me time to write and almost revive my blogging targets.
I knew from the start that my last post has to be the best. If not the best, at least half decent of my past 29 posts. But honestly, I never prepared anything. It has never even alarmed or bothered me. My mind is totally on vacation mode. I'm loving my slow and quiet time at home. A few times, my cousins would invite me to go out. A few days ago, I had my usual mall date with my friend AK. I checked the calendar and realized that 2014 would soon be over. A few more sleeps and I'm back to work. Where did the days go? I haven't even done my yearend decluttering tradition.
Given that my current environment does not permit me to write anything meaningful, it now became a challenge for me to close this series. Call it lousy, but I'll be taking everything from a recent conversation with another colleague turned friend.
Aside from challenging me to the fullest, I will always remember 2014 as the year of resignations and farewells. Two of my friends tendered abrupt resignation on the first quarter of the year. My best friend T found a better opportunity in the industry while W sought for greener pastures. I can still see T once in a while but there are still days when I just miss having a great lunch buddy. In the case of W, I failed to utter my farewell. Her resignation almost happened in a flash. If not because of my Facebook account, I wouldn't discover that she's already reunited with her better half abroad. W never fails to surprise me because I just had the longest Viber phone call with her yesterday. I updated W with all the happenings at the workplace, but most of our conversation centered on her struggles and lessons on working abroad.
So after the longest phone call in my lifetime, I went straight to bed and suffered the weirdest headache. Hahahaha I don't know (maybe signs of aging again) I begin to experience more headaches lately, very rare for me during my carefree 20s. In case W is reading this, please don't feel bad. Blame my overweight self and my weirdest hormones. Hahaha But seriously, that phone call gave me something to think about again... maybe another source of headache. Hahahaha I have mentioned my personal grown up issues here and if I would discuss everything, a blog post will never be enough. Of all the realizations that dawned on me, the constant and strongest force that compelled me was my dreams and ambitions in life. I have my own bucket list but somewhere along the way, I lost that passion to dream.
Ten years ago, my dream was very clear. I have to get a job in the research department of a reputable company, I have to get my permanency status, and finish my masteral degree. At that age, I wasn't oriented on spending and shopping. All my resources are directed to these dreams. In God's grace and my hardwork, I achieved everything before I reached my mid 20s. After these years, I became too relaxed and complacent. I had another 5 years and worked out my promotion and this was when I become the lousiest spender. When I turned 30, I reached the highest possible rank for my position. Almost happy not until I realized that this is dead end for me. The major project at work did help me to forget but deep inside, I felt trapped and lost at the same time. I was trying to diagnose myself and after all the over analyses, I figured out that I lost that passion to dream. I have goals but I'm no longer the same passionate person 10 years ago... I savored my small successes and achievements and now, I'm stuck and hanging in the tree of uncertainty.
With all the drama and posts I made, I now conclude this series with the greatest lesson I learned
NEVER STOP DREAMING
Setting aside the hardwork and perseverance, all of my little achievements started from a dream. Much of my life's story was crafted from the fulfillment of my dreams. The Boss above may have other plans for me but as I look back, I was never really deprived of fulfilling my dreams.