I had a great time before the week ended. Accomplished presentations, reports and a great meal with friends at the newly opened Popeyes. When I woke up on Saturday morning, that familiar sting of sadness made its presence again. I sensed a series of crying episodes. It will take a lot of time and struggle to get back on track again.

If there's anything I gained from these recurring sadness, it's the continuous reminder of the person I will never become. I will never be one of those persons, who ruined my beliefs, tested my values system and intensified my distrust. As I recalled everything that happened this year, the innate selfishness of people I once trusted dawned on me again. 

When everything gets messed up, priorities will change. In my case, it became an opportunity for unearthing the real character or some people. Your decisions, your character. At the end of the day, I saw all the selfishness prevailed. As they say, it's expected for people to become selfish or choose to save their own ass. While this can be understandable, the succeeding consequences feel unjust and more painful. The selfish individuals will now appear as the righteous victims and heroic survivors. What most people failed to see, behind their gains is a person silently enduring pain. 

There will never be victory in someone else's defeat.

I tried to distract myself with as always, these beautiful reading materials. I frequently tell my friend of my interest with arts and design. If I ventured on this field, will life be better? 

I may have doubts and questions but I never had regrets with my education and employment. I'm thankful for the opportunities and means for survival it provide. This career also paved the way for a few trusted friends. They are the friends who stayed even after the party was over.  The ones who mattered are those who helped me clean up the mess. I would not have survived half of my struggles without them. 

On the lighter side, I found these bunting postcards from Papemelroti. It has been months since I last visited any of their branch. I'm happy to find another set of postcards for Marieken and Terra.

Last week, I started using Carousell. I never expected anything from this mobile selling app. The speed of communication is the best feature of Carousell. On the downside, the platform breeds grounds for demanding and pretentious buyers. Maybe, I'll write a separate blog post for my selling experience. 

While typing this post, I remember this quote from Leo Tolstoy of Anna Karenina

“Sometimes she did not know what she feared, what she desired: whether she feared or desired what had been or what would be, and precisely what she desired, she did not know.”

Wishing everyone a great week ahead!