The most awaited holiday break at work is finally happening. In the previous years, I look forward for this break. I'm able to recover sleep, movie marathon and more importantly, I can spend time with my family. But the unexpected demise of my mom changed everything. The holiday atmosphere makes me miss her more. Everything at home reminds me of her. I have to admit, there was never a day I never shed tears since September.  For the first time, I also understood people who don't appreciate Christmas and the other festive months of the year. My heart aches more while seeing other families enjoying the season. 

I tried to establish my holiday normalcy through activities I used to do before this pandemic. I visit malls. I shop for myself. I tried my best to improve physically. I eat at places I love. I went to the church, only to be later  attacked by random memories of my mother. If there's anything that made me temporarily forget this sadness, it's the company of my few friends, supportive cousins and being occupied at work. Speaking of work, I hope to be better next year. I long for self-improvement and achievement because it's my way to convince myself that I'm coping and surviving. 

And still on my grieving stage, I discovered a book that spoke my sentiments