I’m writing this with the hope that something better emerges during the summer break. This has been a problem I’ve been trying to resolve since my designation at work shifted from full-time school administrator to full-time faculty member. The change in position also came with a change in salary and employment terms. While struggling with a decrease in monthly salary since August of last year, I also have to prepare myself for the summer break. The change in employment terms meant I would not receive any compensation during the summer break. 

Other tenured faculty members use their vacation leave credits to cover the non-compensation months. But in my case, I don’t have sufficient leave credits. I have been using my leave credits to attend to family needs during the previous months. I have thought of numerous ways to address my situation. One is to accept possible teaching loads during the summer break. But such is not guaranteed. Teaching during the summer is dependent on whether there are students who will request subjects to be offered during the summer months. If my computations are accurate, one or two teaching assignments cannot compensate a full monthly salary. I am willing to offer myself for other tasks, such as research and document preparation for accreditation. But the amount of compensation for such work does not provide a guarantee of monthly salary. Sometimes, project based work is paid at the end of the summer months. My bills and expenses cannot be postponed at the end of summer. 

In the middle of this week, I had a conservation with my superior from my secondary or supporting employment. The employment terms and conditions for full time faculty members are way different. They have a supportive working environment that provides security and lessens worries of both tenured and probationary full time faculty members. On the summer months, faculty members receive full compensation. Those who wish to take on summer teaching loads are given additional compensation or overload. 

Another thing I discovered, they have a different meaning for tutorial classes. Tutorial classes meant having 1:1 teacher:student ratio. In the case of my current employer, tutorial those classes with enrollment of less than 15 students. Pay also happens at the end of the semester. Unfortunately, I have a group of 12 students handled this semester. This meant that one of the subjects I'm handling will have a delayed compensation, even if my teaching hours still follow the requirements of regularly paid subjects. 

I tried checking on other higher education institutions; their system follows that of my supporting employer. The entire situation made me feel that I am not wishing for something unreasonable. What should have been a standard or a norm in other higher education institutions emerged as an unreasonable want in my current employer. 

For months now, my hope has been the same, to find a new employer. Not only for financial stability, but for the chance to rebuild. I spent six years as a school administrator, giving more than what was required: time, patience, personal resources, emotional labor. I believed in the work. I believed in the institution. I gave my best because I thought it mattered.

Today, giving my best or the mere practice of giving feels heavier. I continue to work even when my compensation no longer compensates. I continue even when my contributions feel diminished, largely because the work I once did did not directly generate income. Yet that work was never meaningless. It built credibility, strengthened compliance, elevated academic standing. It helped the institution compete in spaces where prestige and quality matter. Still, lately, it feels as though those efforts have quietly lost their value.

In the middle of everything, there are people who created a villain version of me. For a moment, I considered confronting them. But life intervened, as it often does. The opportunity never came. Their words still hurt, but at this point, my financial constrains weighs heavier than reputation.

I do not want to linger. I want to be better. I cannot wait for that place and opportunity to make life better. Hopefully, in the most perfect time soon.