Saturday, December 21, 2013

When life made other plans for me

I have a confession to make. I didn't like the way I celebrated my 30th birthday. Can I just say that it was the worst birthday I ever had?

When 2013 entered, I have a lot of plans for my 30th. I wanted a weekend getaway with my friends, family or even on my own. I wanted to see the man made lake in Nuvali, try a new restaurant and check the outlet shops around. After a day in Nuvali, I want a weekend stay in  one of my favourite places in the world, Tagaytay. I have nothing but pleasant memories in this place. I love the lush greeneries, cool temperature, quiet and serene churches and the always relaxing view of the Taal Volcano. If only I have the means, I will purchase my own real estate property in Tagaytay. I wanted my own sanctuary in this place. Unfortunately, I was never good in planning, despite the fact that I work for the Corporate Planning Department. In the end, my 30th birthday was spent the usual way.

Days before my birthday, I treated my workplace friends for dinner. It was the best! Except for the fact that I was quite surprised with the bill ;) My fault because I underestimated my budget. Despite feeling broke, I had a blast with my friends. The endless catching up stories and laughter made me forget that I'm really turning older.

When weekend came, I was feeling signs of an upcoming fever. I had the worst headache coupled with extreme menstrual cramps. I spent the day before my birthday in bed. When Sunday came, I invited my paternal family for a modest celebration. Another confession to make, I never liked the idea of throwing a party. I get easily exhausted these days. I decided to throw a party because of my cousins who bullied me during my Grandpa's birthday. They were forcing me to treat the entire family in a fancy restaurant. I wanted to refuse because it would mean expenditures. I gave in to their request but since I'm quite thrifty these days, I decided to treat them at home. I figured out that this is the cost effective way to celebrate. I gave my parents the budget and let them handle everything. I was relieved but I felt so selfish. I felt guilty because I enslaved my parents. I stayed in bed the entire day while my parents are getting tired for everything.

Come Sunday, I was still feeling weak. My guests arrived late  and best of all, my cousins who bullied me didn't arrive. God knows how my agitation hormones overflowed that day. For some reason, I also felt that my guests were not pleased with what I could afford to offer.

Frustrated and irritated, I tried to convince myself that I had a happy birthday. I also pretended that I'm feeling better. Before I slept, I accomplished a freelance work and prepared things for my 7 am class. I was supposedly on leave the day after my birthday. I thought classes would be over that time. I forgo my leave and chose to attend my class. Hence, I ended working late even on my birthday.

I didn't like the way I spent my 30th.  It wasn't a happy birthday after all. I gave in to the request of other people only to later frustrate myself. I was unwell. My family aggravated. Worst of all, I felt guilty for enslaving my parents.

It has been days after my birthday. I hate to admit it but I feel relieved that it was over. I've been dreading the day I will turn 30. Despite of this, I was hoping for the happiest birthday. I wanted this birthday to be remembered as the best. Surprise of surprises, the opposite of what I was expecting prevailed.

I never wished for anything grand. This is something I learned over my years of existence. My forever wish is for things to turn out fine. On my 30th birthday, I never wished for the attention of everyone. I would be happy over simple things like handwritten notes, hugs and kisses, and words of appreciation. Unfortunately, life made other plans for me. 

1 comment:

  1. Oh, I'm so sorry it was not a Happy Birthday for you, Diane. I kind of doubt that the "age-thing" had anything to do with it, wouldn't you agree? After all, it is just a "number," and so much better to get a year older than not. I kind of think your friends and family were rather selfish to pressure you into providing and paying for your own birthday celebration. Maybe next year you should plan (ahead) to take yourself on that special trip. May I share an idea with you? Quite a few years ago, I started an Inspiration Journal. It can be any size you want. Mine is a blank sketch book that is slightly bigger than a sheet of paper. Whenever I see something I like, a place I want to go, a new way to fix my hair, etc., I cut it out (if it's something in a magazine) or sketch it or just write about it in my Inspiration Journal. I do not share this with anyone -- it is for me alone. It's essentially a place to keep some visuals of your dreams and desires and is no one else's business but your own. What has been very interesting to me, as I look through it from time to time, is to see that many of those things have happened and sometimes I don't even remember that I had put it in my journal. What you put in this journal can be a deep desire for something big to happen in your life, or it can be something frivolous that you may not need but want. I think when you create a visual of the things you want, big or small, you are planting a seed in your psyche that causes you to work toward getting it -- but you might not even realize you have set a goal. I hope you might give this idea some thought, and maybe next year's birthday will be a whole lot different.

    Hugs and Happy Belated Birthday, Diane!


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