Michelle Zauner on her book, Crying in H Mart perfectly described how I felt about grief. 

Grief comes in waves. One day you are doing great. The succeeding days, you are drowning on what it feels like a never-ending crying episode. This explained last week. I started the week doing well. I encountered some bumps related to work in the middle of the week. Everything escalated and in a snap, I longed for my mom's presence. I also remembered that last week could have been another mother-daughter day for us. We used to visit the Monastery of St. Clare on her feast day. I can no longer explain my emotions. There was frustration over a particular task, disappointment on certain people and exasperation on the entire situation. 

I cannot find the lone person at the workplace who understood me. Turns out, his health was compromised because of work. I was trying to convince myself that I have no reason to feel bad because my two support systems, Dad and Kuya are doing fine. I should rather be grateful. My mind tells me, I have no right to claim pain. But my heart is struggling. I needed my mom. 

I was hoping to detail everything in this post. But some things are meant not to be shared, at least for now. 

I hope to be better.